Many Thing are Unsure, But the Lord Remains the Same!

Have you ever had a week (or year) where you just feel like throwing in the towel EVERYDAY?! Well, I have for sure had one of those weeks. This past week has for sure been one of the worst, most trying weeks of my life! Let me try to explain (vent) in the most positive way that I can right now. For a while now God seems to have been on a real teaching (life changing), HARD core clean sweep in my life. I am totally the type of person who learns everything the hard way... you know one of those really thick headed people who hears Gods first warnings, but doesn't always listen to them. Well, this past year, God has really been convicting and strongly teaching me to put Him first in EVERY situation. That HE needs to be number 1 in my life every second of every day. To be honest, while I was living in Canada this was not really that big of a problem. I mean, God was my best friend ( sometimes my only friend) while I was living there. I was on my own... just me and God and life was great! Then however, I moved down here to Florida and all of a sudden my family became number 1 and God took a backseat to them. I mean I hadn't seen them in two years, so I was really enjoying the love and protection that I had forgotten they could provide for me.

Soon I started noticing that we were fighting more and more and that the spaces between fights were getting shorter and shorter. My mom claiming that I should be going to school and working.... and me taking the opposing side that I can't get working or student visas without money(that I didn't have). I am realising now that the true reason that I was angry with her was because I had been putting all of my trust and my love into my parents (they were number 1) and I was feeling really unloved and hurt and let down. There is no pain like feeling completely alone and helpless. I realise now that the only way to avoid feeling this way is to put my everything, every thought and emotion and all my love and trust into God. He is the only one who can give me life long stability and love. It sounds like an open/shut case, like black and white, but there is a very big grey area that God is helping me separate right now.

That is the fact that my parents still have a very big part of my heart. God knows what he's doing ( allowing to happen) and I'm sure he will be with me till he finishes his good work in me, but right now I am feeling very vulnerable and unsure of anything other than that God is there,,, wheather I can see him or not! The main reason for my unsuredness is that this week my mother took my little brother and (after kicking my sister and I out) moved herself out. My sis and I are staying in my appartment (no biggie), but we don't know where mom is staying and she won't talk to us. Part of the hurt is that my dad is VERY depressed and is really setting himself up for Satans attacks because of his bad attitude... well, to be honest, none of us are exactly leaning on God thru this very trying time. It is so hard. I really don't want my parents to get a divorce and I know that God doesn't want that either, but what I really think God is trying to show me is that HE NEEDS TO BE NUMBER 1 in my life. If he was than, as much as I love my parents, my focus would not be on the problem and my attitude would not come from whatever sercumstance I find myself in, because I'm sure I will find more trying times than this before the end of my life here on earth, and I would rather learn how to keep God first now than later.

Please my friends... pray that God will triumph over this situation in each of the lives of my family and I and that this will not be the end, but just a needed personal growing time for all of us.

Many things are unsure right now, but I know that the Lord remains the same. Please God, help me to trust in you and give me a strong, secure and TRUTHFUL mind as I (with your help) make my way thru this obsticle. You are my only chance!
KT